Weaving Memories

“… Well, for me, it’s like a thread that you give to the other person. You know, the connection. And by that, you start weaving memories that you choose for each person you gave your thread with, you will then notice that you create different patterns. Patterns that tailored just for each of them. And among them is a pattern that you unknowingly created. The one that is mostly abstract and out of concept. As time passed by, as it grows bigger and longer, you get familiar with it. So familiar that you created a kaleidoscope of patterns.

And then one day, you saw that he started weaving too. And with that, you put everything that you have so you both can reach each other. You invested physically and emotionally. You put passion into it. You’re so into it that you didn’t realize you’re taking the thread from your other connection.

And you stopped. All because you thought that you’ve done enough. And all you can picture right now is the finished product of what you did. Curious as a cat, you checked the other end, if he’s almost done too.

There comes the disappointment.

You thought it was special. You thought you were both into the same thing. But sadly, no.

And the weariness to everything suddenly poured into your being.

The next morning, you cut the thread. You looked at it one more time before burning it. You let the flames consume everything that you put yourself into and somehow you also wished that you can burn all the feelings that you have.”

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12:57am

A monster disguised as a nice guy: that is me. 

It was at this hour that I can’t stop my head from thinking a little bit too much. Worrying from everything that I mustn’t. And even creating my own demons that will follow me in my dreams.

How I wish I have someone to talk about everything that runs inside this messed up head of mine without him judging me.  And maybe, chase them away. 

And all becomes…

And all becomes clear. Wish I could make you see this brightness. Don’t worry all is well. All is so perfectly, damnably well. I understand now, that boundaries between noise and sound are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended. One may transcend any convention, if only one can first conceive of doing so. Moment like this, I can feel your heart beating as clearly as I feel my own, and I know that separation is an illusion. My life extends far beyond the limitations of me.

RF

The Will To Live

I just watched the movie 127 Hours and I felt so happy I can’t help but to cry. Yeah, literally, I cried because of happiness. The movie is about a climber and canyoneer Aron (i forgot his last name. I thinm it something like Palski, i duuno, sorry about that). He was in his way to blue canyon when a rock fell on his hand. It trapped him there with a low amount of food and water together with his hallucinations. What happened then, with the help of hallucinations he was able to cut his arm off the stone. And make hia way out meeting other people that helped him. Lesson learned is that no matter how hard it may be, if you wanted to live, you will be able to bear such pain. His will made him live.

Is It Worth Waiting?

Letting the opportunity to pass when it was almost on your grasp is one of the mistakes we always commit because sometimes, we are too afraid to try and soon we will end up disappointed for ourselves. Same theory applies for love, it is when you’re afraid to take the chance and when you have decided to take it, it’s already gone. Now the question is that is really worth waiting?

ES EL E E PI

It’s already past midnight, a minute to be exact, but I am still awake. Wide awake, despite from the plan to sleep earlier than usual yet I am still blogging here. I think I should get off everything that is bothering me for the past few days. Just leave if you don’t wanna hear me ranting again, but if you do, then here we go.

There has been so much pressure that I am dealing with. First, I can’t just back out from the planned vacation, I am having some financial crisis on going so I am a little tight on my budget. I just do hope that it will pays off, and it should not be just good, but be the best! Next is that my schedule for this week sucks. Work is work so I’ll cut it here. Aside from that, I am not getting enough sleep and I am losing weight, again! Damn. I dunno what really is bothering me, for sure, i can’t sleep well. Not even on our office during our break which i usually do, but lately, not even a soothing music could give me a power nap. Guess that’s enough for ranting.